I was scared of Gary Numan
Didn't look or sound quite human
Waxy white face, ice cold stare
I hid behind settees and chairs
When I watched TV and saw Gaz there

I was scared of Gary Numan
Jumped out my skin like a kangaroo, man
I had nightmares week on week
While he conveyed electro chic
A voice like Stephen Hawking-speak

I was scared of Gary Numan
More post-punk popster than rhythm and blues man
On MTV performing 'Cars'
My teenage years forever scarred
Surely he was born on mars?

With Boy George I was chilled and cool
Dave Bowie didn't bother me at all
I wasn't frightened by the antics of Mercury
But THAT ghostly gaze brought out the worst in me

I was scared of Gary Numan
Dressed in black and leather too, man
Was he in the Twilight Saga?
Ghastlier than Lady Gaga
He drove me to drugs and lager

I was scared of Gary Numan
More of a nut-job than a cashew, man
Smiles and laughter he'd avoid
Emotionally unemployed
Probably an android

When they handed out 'weird' he was front of the queue, man
Won't someone tighten his loose screw, man?
He should have been locked up in the zoo, man
A complexion more pasty than PVA glue, man
He could have been an alien from Doctor Who, man
Whenever he came into view, man
I emptied my bowels like a vindaloo man
While YOU listened to his latest LP
I underwent serious therapy
'Cause I was ABSOLUTELY FRIGGING TERRIFIED...

Of Gary Numan