Nobody snores like you my love
Is that an aeroplane above?
In bed I give you one more shove
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you it’s true
You’re heard in Sweden and Peru
In China, Chad and Norway too
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my babe
You make me fearful and afraid
I wish you’d stop, how hard I’ve prayed
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my sweet
Most people are far more discreet
But you just snort between the sheets
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you thank God
That sound you make’s so loud and odd
It keeps me from the Land of Nod
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my wife
You bring me torture every night
I’ll chop your nose off with a knife
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my pet
The doctor’s puzzled and the vet
I’ve even taped you on cassette
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you my dear
Your nose vibrates inside my ear
You’d make a t.rex quake in fear
Nobody snores like you

Nobody snores like you of course
You’d frighten a stampeding horse
Why am I filing for divorce?
‘Cause nobody snores like you