My Mum says “ain’t he handsome?”
But there’s much more to Alan Hansen
Than his James Bond looks
And his sun-tanned face
He puts other soccer pundits in their place
Using adjectives
And superlatives
As well as he used the ball
In his halcyon Liverpool playing days

‘Cause on Match of the Day
You’ll hear him say
“Unbelievable”
“Incredible”
“Amazing goal”
“Diabolical”
“An absolutely terrible
Tackle from behind”
“Magnificent lob from the half-way line”
“His first touch was totally sublime”
“Fantastic”
“Terrific”
“Dreadful”
“Abysmal”
There’s not a word wasted
No superfluous syllable
Or any hint of drivel
When he waxes lyrical
About Rooney’s latest dribble
“Awesome”

You’re all waylaid
In the shade
Lineker
Davies
Pearce
Motson
And Lawrenson
Be afraid
When you’re up against Hansen

So when Alan’s on TV
Turn up the volume on your telly
To hear the Scot
Who knows a lot
More adjectives
Than your average
English dictionary