I said to Van Gogh "why'd you cut off your ear
If I knew you were depressed I would have bought you a beer
Or you could have phoned the Samaritans instead
You can't just go hacking off bits of your head"

"I think you're painting some decent stuff
It's just that you don't push it round enough
That one of the cornfield was bloody good
That could earn a few million at Christies
It could"

"Now Vinny" I said "I don't wanna lecture you
But to have just one ear could adversely affect you
Think positive man, look at the talent you've got"
And he looked round at me, paintbrush in hand and said
"WHAT?"