Yesterday I swallowed a whale
Head, body, blubber, fins and tail
Like Jonah's story in reverse
Or swallowing a fly - but worse!
In the ocean for a swim
My mouth opened, it zoomed in
Friends tell me I'm pale and frail
Why?...
I swallowed a whale

One less beast's in the Atlantic
Now my stomach's grown gigantic
Drives me crazy, drives me nuts
Bouncing, bumping round my guts
Splashing, sploshing in my belly
A jumping, jiggling bowl of jelly
And I broke my set of bathroom scales
Because...
I swallowed a whale

"Enough!" I'm pleading with the vet
"Please remove then lose this pet!"
Everybody says to me
"There are plenty more fish in the sea"
(Though actually a whale's a mammal
Related not to cod but camel)
I should have swallowed an ant, a beetle, a worm, a spider, a slug or a snail
Instead...
I swallowed a whale