Everyone has a crazy old uncle
An extremely eccentric relation
With a tiny screw or small wire loose
Like a slightly out of tune music radio station

A little bit peculiar
A little bit strange
A little bit weird
A little bit deranged

Wearing clothes from the 1970s
Plus a wobbly wig on his head
He makes you laugh
Needs a really good bath
Always mending broken things in his garden shed

Everyone has a crazy old uncle
You're proud of him though he's quite potty
Drives a rusty scooter
Owns a stone-age computer
Spends weekends at Waterloo Station train-spotting

A little bit of a fruitcake
A little bit of an oddball
A little bit of a joker
Clowns around like a fool
Yet you love his visits 'cause he's still kinda cool

He can make a pound coin disappear
Pick eggs from your pockets and behind your ears
Brings you sweets and treats
Smells of wine and beer
He's everyone's crazy old uncle

Born centuries ago in Victorian times
Drives you nuts with silly jokes and sillier rhymes
He's one of a kind
A most unusual find
He's everyone's crazy old uncle

Yes everyone has a crazy old uncle
My nephews and nieces agree
But nodding their heads
Each one of them said
Their crazy old uncle is...
...ME!