I'm White Van Man
That's who I am
I'll mend your leaky pipe for a couple of grand
Cash in hand
No V.A.T.
While claiming social security
Avoiding and evading HMRC

I'm White Van Man
Always ready to scam and a
Regular feature on every speed camera
An avid reader of the Sun
Politics to the right of Attila the Hun
You'll recognise me by the exposed crack of my bum

I'm White Van Man
Catch me if you can
Half-eight each day
Stuffing my face at the greasy spoon cafe
Fags and fried breakfasts to survive
Then I'm off again to terrorise the M25
I know how to duck
I know how to dive

I'm White Van Man
Always Dave, Pete, Steve, Bob, Andy or Dan
My business card says builder, roofer, painter, decorator, gardener, plumber
That's my quote
It's not a joke
Or my telephone number
Did you see me on Rogue Traders on TV
Ripping off a vulnerable OAP?
Then stopping work before I start it for yet another cup of tea

I'm White Van Man
Circumventing any traffic jam
Swearing and hollering from my Ford Transit
The most inconsiderate driver on the planet
Best believe the hype
About my stereotype
I'll crash into your car
I'll bash into your bike
Before you can re-arrange the words 'robbery' and 'daylight'
I'll have vanished from sight
I'm a fly-by-night
What am I like?
I'm White Van Man