New Bottom
Next birthday I want a new bottom
The one I own's terribly worn
Too boney and bumpy
Too lumpy not comfy
It's been with me since I was born
Next birthday I want a new bottom
My current butt's busted and old
Tired, droopy and baggy
Stale, shabby and saggy
In winter it's feeling the cold
Next birthday I want a new bottom
This ageing rear's splitting in two
And has a hole in it
I just want to bin it
A substitute's well overdue
Next birthday I want a new bottom
The most modern bum you can buy
With gadgets and lights on
And go faster stripes on
That won't decay, wither or die
Next birthday I want a new bottom
When showing it off to a friend
I'm hoping to hear “Neal -
“Your rump is the real deal!”
Who cares how much money you spend
Next birthday I want a new bottom
That won't cause me trouble or pain
Please purchase or hire it
I can't wait to try it
Then I can sit down once again