You could’ve taken me to a romantic place
You could’ve got me drunk first so I was off my face
You could’ve shown more style, sophistication and grace
Instead of acting in haste
To lay our relationship to waste
A minimalist approach via a satellite in space
There must be better ways to disconnect
To leave the ranks and defect
To make someone feel they’re a reject
But you dumped me by text

Though we had two whole years
Your parting words didn’t hit my ears
Only my phone
And on our anniversary’s eve
I couldn’t believe
You’d contemplate that
I smashed my mobile to smithereens with a baseball bat
I melted your DVDs
I trashed your flat
Sat on your favourite hat
I kicked your cat
You’re clearly never gonna be a diplomat
‘Cause you texted my O2
To tell me we were both through
To tell me that you didn’t want to continue
You said it was the post-modern thing that people now do
I thought women were the gentler sex
Till you put the dis in disrespect
Till you dumped me by text

Do you have an obsession
With keypad depression
A surrogate channel for your aggression
An outlet for your tension
Why yesterday did you fail to mention
You’d be sending me those two words?
And that might make me feel a wee bit perturbed
Turn my life into a turd
Leave me a total wreck
Whose coffin you gonna knock nails in next?
You could have just swung an axe towards my neck
But you dumped me by text

Your choices were
1 – call him on the phone
2 – write him a note
3 – go see him at home
It was a multiple choice
You pick what’s best
But there was no option 4 - dump him by text

Well they say people are losing the art of conversation
But you’re hardly helping the situation
By splitting us up like this
A few prods of your finger
And a flick of the wrist
You burst my bubble like you’d burst a cyst
I didn’t even get a goodbye kiss

You and me simply ended
When these six letters were sended:
U
R

D
M
P
D

Why thank you darling for your
T
X
T

Ok you’re great
At using technology
But so crap
At using to psychology