If you hear a sonic BOOM!
Witness panic everywhere
Awful odours fill the class
Till you're crying "Clear the air!"
You know that noise was NOT a sneeze
So call the Fart Police

They will find the perpetrator
Sort the situation out
Take them down to your Headteacher
'Cause they spread their stench about
If it's foul odour you're sniffing
When that person near you's niffing
Call the Fart Police

It's a devastating scene
There's a pong of something rotten
When the fumes of someone's dinner
Are emitted from their bottom
Can you whiff bad eggs and cheese?
Call the Fart Police

They will disinfect the room
Till it smells like summer flowers
And arrest the culprit too
Keep him in school after hours
If you feel a strong vibrating
From that chair that's got your mate in
Call the Fart Police

Now if Miss is very cross
During maths or art or history
When aromas are detected
Though their source is still a mystery
Want to know who did the deed?
Call the Fart Police

Got a problem with your bum
I won't send for Dad or Mum
I'll call the Fart Police

Causing wind's not yet a crime
So please - don't call 999

Call the Fart Police