You Know You're Losing It

When you can't see the wood for a forest of trees
When you're covering your cornflakes in Parmesan cheese
When your bad news comes in fours not threes
Then you know you're losing it

When you're being busted and booked every week by the cops
When you're wearing a suit with a pair of flip flops
When you've cancelled your milk but replaced it with Scotch
Then you know you're losing it

When you can't face yourself in the mirror nude
When you think Jack the Ripper was a pretty cool dude
When you trade in your Bahamas trip for one to Bude
Then you know you're losing it

When...you're rapping...and rhyming...but the words...won't flow
When you're buying a wig 'cause the bald bit won't go
When you're walking - unarmed - on the streets of Walthamstow
Then you know you're losing it

When you can't remember what you're supposed to remember
When you're celebrating Christmas on the 4^th of September
When you're peering down your underwear to check your gender
Then you know you're losing it

When yesterday's wardrobe is no longer fitting you
When strangers are constantly kicking and hitting you
When your doctor says “you're gaga mate” and he ain't kidding you
Then you know you're losing it

When your bestest of best friends cannot get on with you
When you're going ice skating taking only a thong with you
When you're writing poems like this about things that are wrong with you
Then you know you're losing it

You didn't bite the bullet
You didn't stay strong
You're totally skew-whiff
I told you all along
You're blown out
Pear-shaped
Gone Pete Tong
You know you've LOST IT!