Dear Grim Reaper
Have you ever thought of trying
To end this unhealthy obsession that you have with doom and dying?
You’re not at your best
You need a change or a rest
You look a tad depressed
Too much black in your dress
Let yourself unwind
Stop stressing out mankind
Why not have a makeover, do cabaret or pantomime?
Crack a joke or two and SMILE
Be willing to stop filling up on killing for a while
Make this your New Year’s resolution:
JUST SAY “NO” TO DEATH – FIND ANOTHER SOLUTION

Dear Grim Reaper
Or can I just call you `Grim’?
Lighten up, life’s for living
Learn to take it on the chin
Cheer up with a chill pill
Forget that woman on the window sill
Book yourself a massage or a work out down the gym
Don’t hang around people ‘cause they’re ill, infirm and thin
And wipe that sadistic grin
Off your face
Quit saying you’ll take me to a better place
I’m staying with the human race
My mortal coil’s not ready to be shed
So why don’t you join a Goth band instead?

Dear Grim Reaper
Please understand
I don’t want to take your hand
Blokes like you should be banned
From hanging on my shoulder
Just because I’m getting older
You think it’s fun when you make my blood run a little colder
You need careers counselling - develop your CV
Stop dining in the cemetery
Stop hanging round the mortuary
Stop stealing friends and family
Then I might ask your round for tea
Relax - book a sabbatical
Be less morbid and fanatical
If you dump that scary scythe
You might even find yourself a wife
Repeat after me: “IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE”
Dream of peace not war
Then you’ll be a happy sociable chappy
And not a Grim Reaper anymore